Day 31

 

In 31 days I have learned...

I use "I" too much in my writing. I've also learned that if you want to have interesting things to write about, you must get out there and do interesting things. Rushed writing is challenging.

My thoughts are mostly about my children and what they are going through right now, the emotional struggle I am having with them getting older, and how do I parent them in the phase of life they are in. 

The writers who share slices have taught me so much in which I am terribly grateful. This is the first time in a long time that I have committed to and done something for 31 days in a row. There are so many things to learn and in so many ways to grow and I hope someday I will be a good writer. 

I am a better teacher by having more experience to share with my students.

Thank you "Slice of Life" for all of your work. Thank you,my two mentors, who commented on every post.

Not a Little Boy Anymore

 

windy baseball day

he is always on the bench

supportive you must

want to ask questions

about what is happening

in his swirling mind

I wish I could scoop

him up and tell him it's go

ing to be ok

Sunsets and Cold Pillows

 

There are so many things to be grateful for - 

Driving home into the sunset 

after spending a few hours visiting with friends 

out in the beautiful weather 

watching baseball

Having a house 

to come home to 

with electricity and hot running water 

to wash and prepare food to eat.

A son who opens up 

and shares suprising things 

in suprising ways

My cat

even though he bats at my feet

when I am half awake

in the early hours

of the morning

A really cozy bed

with a ton of pillows

so I always have a cold one

whenever I want

I Dodged a Bullet

 

Do you know there are people in this world who only eat when they are hungry? And that they only eat foods that are healthy for their body? And when they do eat a treat, it's a suitable portion instead of the whole freaking thing?!? Why am I not one of those people? Why doesn't my brain work like that?

I LOVE food but if I never had to eat in order to survive, I wouldn't put a bite in my mouth. I don't know who out there is going to understand this but it is true. If I don't ever have to start, stopping wouldn't be a problem. 

You know those famous chocolate peanut butter eggs that come out every Easter  - they come in a pack of six. Well, everyone knows how much I love them and I keep getting them as gifts. This year I am choosing not to eat any because I know that if I attempt at opening a package for just one, I can't guarantee that I won't eat half the package in one sitting. 

When I went in the house after work on Friday, I left all the sweet treats I got as gifts, in a plastic bag in the truck and the warmth of the sun melted everything into one gooey mess. I guess this is one problem solved.

A Baby Calf

 

Traveling the back roads home, you will see all kinds of farm animals - horses, cows, alpacas, pigs, donkeys, a variety of goats, ducks, swans, and geese. Sometimes I drive this route a few times a day and today was one of them. 

The first time I passed the large field of cows, I noticed one close to the fence near the road while the rest of the herd was further out. It looked like it was not doing well. I don't know exactly what was wrong but its back was somewhat arched, head facing straight ahead and eyes glossy. It was only for a few seconds that I focused on the bovine but you could tell something was off.

A few hours later, when I passed the spot again, there was the same cow with her newborn calf. I did a double take and almost stopped but there was another car behind me. What a sight!

Enjoying a Break

 

What I am excited for during Spring Break is sleep. Ah that feels so boring and lame but I can't help it. Snoozing in bed until my body is ready to get up is blissful.

 My son has baseball games Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, so sitting out in the sunshine will be wonderful as well.

After that, I think I might rent a car, pack a bag and hit the road for a couple of days. Not sure what direction I'll head yet but the Grand Canyon has always been a place I'd like to experience. 

Maybe I'll go to the movies.

Or drive up to Tahoe and walk on the beach.

Read lots of books

Do some extended writing.

Knit a blanket for my niece.

Just be in the moment.

Listen

Listen more and talk less. People who are struggling want/need to be listened to and heard, your input not necessary. Working on being present when listening is a challenge at times - especially when you're in your head trying to figure out what you can say in response - even though they are not even finished speaking yet. There is freedom in being present. Worry doesn't exist in the present, neither does regret.  

Work

 

I love to work with and along side people who also love to work. Right now working with students is a gift. They love to read and write and converse. They are an inspiration each day that they show up to try everything I ask of them, no matter how hard or scary it feels. I wish the other teachers on either side of me also wanted to work. What is happening in the world is affecting people in all kinds of ways and I am working hard at being understanding of where they are at. The struggle is real. And so is the lonliness of doing what's right by myself. 

The Car Ride Home

In the truck, on the 45 minute drive home from his baseball game. as part of our conversation, Michael told me that he had some maturing to do. I just about sprayed the water I had just sipped all over the dash. 

Playing it cool, I just grinned and said, "Ya, I've noticed." He proceeded to share the changes he is working on making. It's these moments I miss the most now that he is living mostly at his dads. He chose to do so as a result of not wanting to follow a major rule in my house. No matter how much my heart hurts, I know I have to follow through. He will learn from this experience and hopefully come around someday. I knew I would be an empty nester some day but I never expected it like this.

Time

Taking the time to be intentional about my writing during this challenge has been extremely difficult. I find that I am waiting until the last hour and there's not much left in the tank at that time of the night. If I try at other times during the day, it is to "get it done". I don' t want this to be about getting it done. I would like to have time without all the noise. I guess it's up to me to make that time.

Floating Away the Aches and Pains

 

Once a week I float in a tub full of epson salt saturated water. I look forward to the next session before I finish the one I'm in. You can float for an hour with music and ambient lighting or without. I choose to float in complete silence and darkness and love floating in a starless universe.  The first time I tried it, I didn't last the whole hour. I started to feel overheated, nauseous and claustrophobic.

Today was the first time I made it. I was able to relax and meditate the entire time. When communicating with my 17 year-old son, I can get anxious and elevated when he starts to argue. He does this to avoid following through with his responsibilities and at times it will wear me down and I give up. I noticed this evening I was able to stay calm and hold him accountable in a firm but relaxed manner. I know it is because of the float. 

It changes me. I make it through the week with more patience and less anxiety. I am grateful for a natural way to stay calm in a stressful world.